Little Man’s 2nd Appointment

So, we had our second appointment with the therapist this week and she did give us some things to work on at home, however, there’s another task she gave me that I have some problems with. When she brought it up, I pushed aside my misgivings based on the “your the pro” theory, but I can’t seem to get them out of my head. Obviously I’m going to have to discuss this with her, but, here’s the scoop.

She wants us to get Little Man back into a “regular” preschool or daycare facility ASAP, however, not full time. She wants us to find one that will allow him to attend a couple of hours a day, a couple of days a week. Her theory being we make him “like” school so much he wants to stay there instead of going to Aunt M’s, but we don’t let him stay full time until we’re sure he can behave. Slowly building how much time he spends at “school” until he’s there full-time.

First off, financially, I’m not sure I can swing this one. We’ve already added the cost of therapy to an already overloaded budget and all of the schools I’ve talked to so far do not have a part-time setup for this. They will set him up on 2-3 days a week, but we would have to pay for the full day, even though he would only be there a couple of hours. I would then be paying the school, plus Aunt M for child care for the same days, in other words, double the child care costs I’m paying now. (Plus the gas to run back and forth to another place.)

Secondly, I would have to work out the logistics of getting him back and forth between the two places. I suppose depending on the location, I could have Aunt M pick him up or drop him off, but that brings us to problem three…

Thirdly, we’re talking about adding even more transitions and stress to a kiddo that has some serious issues with change. Until we’re sure that he wouldn’t throw a major hissy about staying or going, I would want to be the one in charge of pick up and drop off. If we were doing full days at a time, this wouldn’t be a problem, but now we’re talking about having to leave work to make the swap with Little Man.

I don’t know, I’m hoping the therapy will be good for us in the long run, but so far it seems to be causing more problems in the short run. Little Man did NOT have a good evening after we left there and the next day was seriously rough. The only change to his schedule being that we went to the therapist’s office. I can’t say 100% that that was the cause of the problems, but it’s the only thing I can think of right now. Perhaps that’s just because I am seriously down today. I’m having one of those overwhelmed, can’t do this anymore days. Perhaps tomorrow things will look brighter…

Assertiveness training

So, you may have noticed I have a little problem with being assertive. I HATE confrontation. I am the ultimate Ms. Nice Girl in that I always worry that something I say will offend, hurt, or just plain disagree with someone else. (Ok, you may not have noticed, because I tend to be better at speaking my piece in the relative anonymity of the world wide web. ) But in real life, well, I have issues. I buy every excuse, line and guilt trip in the book. I’ve touched on this topic before, most recently in I Am Not An Alpha Dog.

I have always had problems with my ex when it comes to being assertive. I am the ultimate enabler. I enabled his behavior during our marriage and have continued to enable him in some ways since the divorce. My modus operandi since the divorce has been avoid, avoid, avoid. Bite my tongue, don’t start anything, don’t speak my piece because it never works out good for me. I always end up regretting it. Why? Because in order to speak up, I have to be angry and that always leads to saying the wrong thing. Instead of being assertive, I go agressive if I must go at all.

This has led to more problems than Carter’s got pills (if you get that reference, good for you!) He would do something stupid (like falsify time slips) and I would go from crazed lunatic screaming at him to feeling guilty and buying into his “you drove me to it by expecting too much” line and then trying to pretend it had never happened. Its no wonder his behavior escalated throughout our marriage because my boundaries were in constant flux. “No” meant “depends on how well you push my guilt trip button”. The “last time” meant “give it a few months of good behavior and I’ll probably forgive you if you do it again.”

One of the reasons I like being alone (and am not even considering dating) is because I know that if I don’t fix myself first, I am destined to relive the same relationship over and over again. I have dysfunctional relationships with friends and family as well. Relationships where I am always the one compromising or avoiding confrontation by simply not speaking up or doing what I think is best and that’s not their fault it’s mine. I live in a land of indecision and procrastination for no other reason than fear.

Sorry, I’m getting a bit off topic. This post is supposed to be about what I’m learning. True to my nature, I have been researching the heck out of how to be assertive. I’ve even downloaded a couple of hypno-therapy audios regarding self-discipline and No More Mr. Nice Guy. I can’t say at this point whether the audios are being helpful or whether its just a combination of things I’ve learned during research and a committment? to change, but today I found myself getting to practice my new assertiveness training on my ex. It’s a little thing, maybe not even worthy of posting, but the feeling was something I wanted to remember.

Little Man got a cancellation appointment with the counselor for this evening and my ex is going to be able to attend as well. He is not working today and is closer to Little Man and that’s where this text conversation starts.

Ex: Would you like me to pick up Little Man this afternoon and meet you there?

Me: It doesn’t matter to me but you might want to check with him or give him a heads up about the change.

Ex: We are the parents not him, he just has to deal with it but I will call and get back with you.

Me: It’s common courtesy to let him and Uncle C know about a change of plans.

Ex: Sorry you sounded like you meant it was his decision. Misunderstood text.

Me: He has a right to an opinion whether he makes the final decision or not.

Ex: I will be picking him up and we will meet you there.

Ex: I said I was sorry and I did give him the choice when I talked to him.

Ok, OK, I know most of you are probably wondering what the heck I’m so “impressed with myself” about and therein lies my problem in a nutshell.

This will be the first time in five years that my ex has picked up Little Man from “daycare”. Although I’ve told him how stressful that transition time is for Little Man, he’s never witnessed it first hand before. You see, Little Man needs his routines. We’d already gone over today’s schedule. Who was he staying with, who was picking him up, where we would go afterward, etc. The plan is already in his little head and changing said plan without advance notice could (and has before) caused problems. Since we’re going to the counselor’s right after pick-up, I’d hate to start the visit out on a bad note, with a cranky kid, hence my advice to talk to Little Man in advance.

His dad’s reply of “we’re the parents, he’ll just have to deal with it” trips my trigger on two levels. 1) While being parents does give us the final say-so, it doesn’t give us the right (in my opinion) to ignore known issues like transition problems and assume that a 5-year old can just “deal with it”. We’re supposed to be helping him and teaching him how to deal with his problems, not shoving our orders down his throat just because we’re the parents. and 2) Ok, I admit it, I immediately took that comment as a slam against my parenting skills, a subtle dig about the fact that “he doesn’t have behavioral problems” the (three whole) days a month he’s with his dad.

Anyhooo, a week ago I would have not said a word after his “we are the parents” text and ended up getting madder by the minute until I’d blown the whole episode completely out of proportion in my mind and ruined my day. Today, however, I asserted my opinion without being a jerk (I think?) and am left feeling slightly….empowered. I know this is totally trivial, but to me it is a starting point, a baby-step if you will toward learning to grow up and grow a set.

Little Man’s 1st Counseling Appointment

So, yesterday was Little Man’s first counseling appointment. I think things went ok. Little Man wasn’t about to go in by himself, so we all (him, me and the ex) all went in together. Most of the session was spent with her trying to get an idea of why we were there and what our concerns were. Her initial diagnosis? He appears to be a very strong willed child that is having some anxiety problems. The strong willed part is a good thing as long as we get him headed in the right direction , but it does create more parenting challenges.

I have to say that the one thing that I dislike the most about therapy is that it is so hard to “pass along” all the information that needs to be addressed in a one hour session. Because of the time restraints they have to make assumptions based on the “norm” and I sometimes think those assumptions are a bit faulty so now I’m wondering how much is too much and how much is not enough?

My ex was very vocal about the fact that Little Man “just doesn’t have” any behavioral problems at his house and that he sleeps downstairs on the couch by himself. Since Little Man’s problems seem to occur at my house and he has trouble making it through the night without coming to bed with me, the doctor’s comment was that obviously Little Man felt very secure at Daddy’s house, but not so secure at my house, so we’re going to have to work on making him feel more secure when he’s with me. OUCH!

I am mature enough to admit that hurt. Talk about feeling two inches high! Being told your son doesn’t feel safe when he’s with you is kinda like getting sucker punched in the gut.

Anyhoo, now I’m in a quandry. The one question that she didn’t ask was “How much time does he spend at each house?” I didn’t bring it up because we sure don’t wanna start a war in the therapist’s office, plus I’m trying to work out whether it’s relevant or just sour grapes on my part after hearing her diagnosis.

Reality is the kids go to daddy’s every other weekend from noon on Saturday to 3pm on Sunday (that’s his choice, he has never taken the kids as often as he is entitled to.) That’s the equivalent of 54 hours and two nights per month with dad compared to about 675 hours and 28 nights per month at my house, so that’s me 92% of the time and dad 8%. (See this is where I wonder about the sour grapes. I know I’m anal about numbers, but I just sat here and added up the hours. Defensive much?)

To me, it seems kinda relevant, but then again maybe it’s not. I just don’t know anymore, so I’m thinking about getting myself into some counseling to make sure I’m not passing out “insecurity vibes.”

She wanted to see him again in two weeks, but with the holidays and her overbooked schedule, the earliest date we could get was in December, so we’re going back then. We didn’t make it into what we should be doing at home to help him out, so I’m hoping that the next visit will yield some suggestions on things we need to change. She did say that at some point before he hits Kindergarten next year we should probably get him back into a daycare/preschool facility so that we can make sure he’ll be able to cope with school, but that will probably happen after we’ve had a few sessions and started to see some progress in his behavior.

Well, I’m supposed to be working, so I suppose I better get back to it. Just wanted to give you a quick update!

CJ

I am NOT an alpha dog…

Gah! I am so far behind on blogging and I have so much to “get out” that I’m not even sure where to start. I went from blogging daily to blogging once a week now (if I’m lucky) and I’m so far behind on everybody else’s blogs its scary! I know that blogging is good for me. It helps me sort things out, vent, organize my thoughts, etc., but finding the time to keep up adds more stress to an already overloaded chick than I think I can handle some days.

Maybe I should just start with my wierdo title. I am NOT an alpha dog. The kids have been begging for a pet for months now and I keep saying no. I don’t think I can handle adding another living creature to my stress load right now, but then I watch Little Man and Big Girl with my sister’s and sis-in-law’s dogs and I’m beginning to think the stress would be worth it. It seems almost theraputic for them, especially Little Man. I can soooo see him playing with a dog while I’m trying to cook or clean or help Big Girl with homework instead of climbing all over me demanding attention or that I turn the TV on (and TV is not good for his already over-active imagination.) I can see him actually going to his room to play instead of having to be in the same room with me or sis all the time. I can see a dog being a “security blanket,” if you will, for him. He needs a buddy, it’s just that simple…and that complicated. And Big Girl….she would so love a puppy to snuggle with. Although, if we get one, we might have to get two just to keep them from fighting over it.

Anyway, I’ve been researching dog breeds and temperments, costs, weighing the pros and cons trying to decide whether it would be a good thing for our family (and whether I can afford it.) I love dogs, but I’ve never been good at training them because I am NOT an alpha and they know it.

I am not an alpha, but I wish I was. Why? Because so many of my problems are a direct result of not being an alpha. On this blog, I can see the person I want to be. Strong, decisive, doing what I think is best and damn what anybody else thinks about it. But in reality…I am the wishy, washy, afraid to make a wrong decision, needs to make everybody else happy type person. And it SUCKS sometimes.

Do you know what the biggest stumbling block for me choosing to get the kiddos a dog is? I know my parents wouldn’t approve…My dad will be disappointed that I “caved” and took on something he doesn’t think I can handle right now. There are other issues of course, but everytime I think I’ve decided to go through with it I can see his face and hear the disappointment in his voice. I know that if I comment on puppy poo or mention being short on money, he’ll get that “I told you so” look on his face. The biggest roadblock to my kids getting a pet is my need to please my dad. (Have I mentioned I’m on the downhill slide to 40? and I’m still worried about making Daddy happy?)

I was reading a book this week and in it there was a comment about leadership. Being a true leader isn’t about making the right decision all the time. It’s about making the decision that you think is best and being willing and able to deal with the consequences of your mistakes, because there WILL be mistakes, lots of mistakes, it comes with the territory. The more decisions you are required to make, the greater the number of mistakes will be and you have to be able to use those mistakes as “strengtheners” and not failures.

Parenting in its simplest form is leadership…so if I’m not a leader, how can I parent effectively? Especially with an alpha for a son?

I am not good at making decisions. I am so afraid of the what if, needing approval from others, needing to know I’m doing the “right” thing. I flip flop back and forth, weighing the consequences, sometimes its like I’m waiting for a sign to tell me which direction to go. But there is no sign most of the time. I wait until I can’t wait any longer and then, sometimes, I wait a little longer. I wait until I no longer have options and must just “deal” with the consequences of my own inaction. I HAVE to learn to trust myself. Learn to just “do it” because this waiting for…something, causes me more grief than anything else I can think of.

I’ve touched on this topic before. Back in August and here I am, yet again, or perhaps more accurately still trying to figure this out. Yet another decision or action that I’ve been putting off.

How does one become an alpha? Is it even possible to change a “personality”? Can this old dog learn some new tricks? I want to change, to be something more and yet I’m terrified to try. What if I fail? Can I handle it? Can I succeed? Can I become the person I not only want to be, but need to be? How does one even start a project as large as changing a lifetime’s worth of habits?

The “duh” moment for Mean Mom

So you all know what I’m talking about, right? That moment when you suddenly “get it” and then you feel like such an idiot for not getting it earlier. That’s kind of how I’m feeling right now.

Little Man had another good day at Auntie M’s today (yay!) At least until it was time to leave and then he started in with calling me times, trying to hit, kick, bite, etc. It took about 5 minutes to calm him and then he was pretty good the rest of the evening. Not a huge tantrum and over fairly quickly, but it still nailed me in the gut. Partially, I’m sure, because it’s been a while since he’s thrown one.

Anyway, I was talking to a friend tonight and made the smart alec comment that I was going to go back to being the mean mom again because things were so much calmer back then.

The longer that thought rattled around in my head, the louder the “duh” got. For a while now I’ve been thinking, talking and hearing all this information about the importance of consistency, routines, etc. I kept thinking about changes like the divorce, daycare changes, time spent on PTA and Big Girl’s bball and could totally see how that was causing problems. Turns out I was missing (part of) the forest for the trees.

You see, since I really started to pull out of the depression, I’ve been on this mission to fix everything. I was so worried about how much damage I may have done while being “checked out” that I couldn’t, wouldn’t accept that I might have actually been doing something right during that time.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying depression is a good thing, I’m just saying that I may have thrown out the baby with the bathwater, so to speak.

I am affectionately known as the mean mom of the family. My sister still tells the story of fixing Big Girl a Dr. Pepper one night and when Big Girl said “Mommy won’t let me drink brown pop”, Aunt T promptly told her that she could drink whatever she wanted while at Auntie’s house. The TV wasn’t allowed on on school nights, bedtime (when at home) was 8:00 whether it was a weeknight or a weekend night, every meal was eaten at the table, we grocery shopped and cleaned house at the same time every week, played at the same time, there was very rarely any junk food in the house (candy, chips, pop-
tarts, fruit roll ups, etc were never bought) drink choices were water or milk. To say we had some serious routines and pretty strict rules would be putting it mildly.

When I started recovering, I started being “looser”. I started saying yes to more sleepovers, extra-curricular activities, “junk” food, fruity drinks, later weekend bedtimes, etc. Of course, since we often had friends over on Saturday mornings, our shopping/cleaning times became sporadic. More activities meant more meals “on the run”…

Y’all see what I’m seeing? In my attempt to give my kids “more” I’ve blown all the old routines and “mean mom” rules that kept everybody on an even keel.

The upshot of all this is that we had a family meeting to talk about it. Big Girl’s comment was that those days were “boring”, but she did admit that they were less stressful. We’ve decided to reinstitute the no-tv-on-school nights rule and start eating more meals at the table rather than on the run. We will finish out commitments already made while working on re-establishing some routines and basically just SLOW DOWN!

I say “hurry up, let’s go and we’re late” way too often. Ain’t a one of us built for sprinting. Some families thrive on that lifestyle, but MY family’s built more for walking.

It’s time to strap on my mean mom boots and re-prioritize.

Testing

Test post of email posting option

Bragging rights!

First, today was Little Man’s first “not at home with Mommy all day” day. He went to my ex-sis-in-law’s house and spent the day with her family. She and her hubby take turns being stay at home parents. He works spring/summer and stays home with the kiddo’s most of the winter and she works winters and stays home spring and summer, so Uncle C will probably be the main caregiver for Little Man this winter. I must say that totally suits Little Man so far. He has a GUY to hang with. He had a wonderful time and they said he was totally AWESOME all day. Uncle C said Little Man could come stay with him anytime, so he’s going back tomorrow. (That was the bragging part in case you didn’t catch it. )

Anyway, I’m working from home Thursday and Friday again and then next week we’re going to try three days with Uncle C and two with me. If he continues to do well, we’ll probably work our way back to me working at the office full-time again. bummer dude…

At this point I’m betting a lot of his issues are sensory type things. There was just too much “stuff” going on at daycare. Too much noise, too many kids, too many changes. I also think love has a lot to do with it. He is extremely sensative to atmosphere. He knows when it’s all good and everybody’s happy, but he also know when things just aren’t right and it makes him insecure. We are big on the touchy/feely things around here. Lots of hugs, tickling, etc. and so was Ms. B (his old teacher at daycare) but these newer teachers were all more “hands off, overseer” types. Even though they praised him verbally, I think he knew it was just words. Know what I mean??? Oh well, I’m storing all this info for when we talk to the therapist in November so we can start working out what sets him off, but I’m trying not to make to many assumptions.

Second, I’m totally lovin’ this working at home thing! I wish I could do it always, unfortunately my boss is already chompin’ at the bit to get me back in the office. He’s spoiled! He can’t function without his general dogsbody (that’d be me) at his beck and call. Although I do have to give him props for working with me on this deal.

And finally, since I’m spending part of my “after the kids go to bed” time working, I’m falling waaaay behind on my blogging. Aside from not posting, I’m also way behind on everybody’s else’s stories. So, now, I’m totally off to catch up on my stories…and I don’t mean the daily soap opera’s…

CJ

Quick check in

Little Man update –
So, I am now officially, for-a-limited-time-only, working at home 3 days a week and at the office 2 days (and possibly some weekends, depending on what it takes to get the work done.) I plan to spend some time this weekend setting up a more functional home office and then we’re off and running. Little Man and Big Girl are both totally thrilled with the idea. We’ve got an appointment with a pediatric psychologist in November and we’ll see how things go there.

He’s been excellent (well, as excellent as any 4-almost-5-year old can be) for me this week. I get up, shower and get Big Girl up for school and then sit down to work until Little Man crawls out of bed. After breakfast he heads off to play for a while and I get some more work done until he’s bored enough to need some Mommy time. I’ve been taking him to the office with me for an hour or so around 11:00 to check in mail, send out mail, etc. then we head for lunch, the park, whatever strikes our fancy and then head to get Big Girl from school. Once we get the logistics worked out, Big Girl will start riding the bus home. Some days I may get some more work done before she gets off the bus and then the two of them will be able to entertain each other so I can work a little while before we start dinner and then I’ll probably be working from their bedtime til my bedtime. So, I probably won’t get a full day’s work in on the at-home days, but I figure I’ll make up the time on the weekends.

My insurance is AWESOME! They will pay for unlimited therapy so long as it is considered necessary by the psychologist. I’ll only have to pay my co-pay since the therapist is in-network. So there’s a major load off my mind.

Big Girl update (sort of)-
We had student led conferences tonight and after it was over, her homeroom teacher was asking me about how the elementary school worked (she’s new to the district.) Anyway, we ended up having a loooooong talk about how they are preparing kids for middle school. We have a major issue down here with the elementary not teaching the kids how to study, not assigning “real” homework and not teaching the kids how to stay organized. I’m hoping we’ll finally get something done about it. The elementary school doesn’t seem to want to change how they do things, but I’m hoping we can get the middle school to understand that these kids need to be taught some real skills. Right now they seem to be concentrating on goals, what do you want to be as an adult, etc. Don’t get me wrong, those are great things to work on, but if the kids can’t speed read, study effectively, etc. those longer-term things aren’t gonna get done effectively. We’ll see, I guess.

Oddball thing…just for thought.
There’s this text foward going around the middle school that goes something like this:
“A man you love is gonna show you how much he NEEDS you tomorrow but you have to send this to 9 girls. No joke he will impress you.”

Really? There’s just so much wrong with this! a) I hate these “have to send to” things. Gag me! If its a really good quote, joke, etc., I’ll delete the “have to send” stuff and forward it just cause I like it, no strings attached. 2) Hello?? This is middle school, no “man” better be showing you squat to impress you! and c) Seriously…my response when I saw it…”I don’t want a man who needs me. I’d rather have one who doesn’t need me, but WANTS me!”

I’m out! CJ

Exhausted…

Mentally and emotionally exhausted. That’s me tonight. There was the whole ex-files thing last night, then I spent 1/2 an hour on the phone with GMAC this morning, talk…hold…talk…hold…talk and on and on. It was a complete waste of time and energy and then not 2 minutes after I got off the phone with them, the daycare called. Little Man has been expelled due to behavioral issues. Yeah, a 4 year old…expelled…from daycare.

He’s had some behavioral issues in the past and for the last week I’ve been working with insurance and the doctor’s office to get him matched up with a play therapist. He had another rough day Friday and I went in and talked to the Asst. Director about whether they would be able to continue to work with us. She was certain they would and we talked about some changes to how they would deal with him, observation sheets that they would start filling out so we’d have more detailed info to give to the therapist, etc. Then, less than 2 hours after I dropped him off this morning, they called to say they thought we should make other arrangements.

I understand their point of view, but I’m a tad ticked at them for a couple of reasons. 1) We had just discussed this issue Friday and before we even got the chance to work on it they bailed. 2) They are at least partially responsible for his back tracking. (I know, I totally sound like a mom in denial blaming it on the daycare…pfft…kiss my ass…it’s my job.)

We had some issues last spring and had gotten things worked out pretty good. He had a totally awesome teacher (Miss B.) who worked with us and helped him to deal with the over-stimulation, etc. Then they switched owners. I was promised that nothing was really going to change, that the new owner was relatively “hands off” and just adding to his portfolio, but that the day to day running would stay the same. NOT.

Within a couple of months 2 of their best teachers (including Miss B.) “left to be stay at home mom’s.” No warning, no gradual shift to new teachers….just gone. Since then, they’ve had 1/2 a dozen teachers who pop in and out so fast I can’t even keep up with all their names. They’ve also gone back and forth on routines, play stations, room sizes, ages of kids that were combined, discipline and reward systems, etc.

When Miss B. was there, we’d gotten to the point that Little Man could recognize a potential “blow up” before he got to the point of no return. He would actually put himself in a “time out” of sorts that allowed him to be in control of himself without being in trouble. There were days when he would just hang with Miss B. instead of playing with the other kids because he (and Miss B.) knew that he was having problems dealing that day. It was great! He was learning some great socialization and coping techniques and I was sooooo proud of him!

Unfortunately, several of the teachers he’s had since Miss B. refused to allow him to put himself in time out because it “disrupted” the rest of the class to have him step out. Even after I explained it to them and they supposedly understood, they wouldn’t help him or praise him for his awareness. They seemed determined that the best thing for him was stricter discipline and being more authoratative…yeah, that backfired in their faces. They also didn’t want him hanging with them during a “bad” day. They kept trying to make him play with the other kids and then couldn’t figure out why he went bonkers. It’s called over-stimulation, you moron. I could not seem to get them to understand and about the time I was ready to yank him, they’d switch teachers and we’d start the whole process over again.

Hindsight being 20/20 I wish I’d made some changes as soon as Miss B. left, but I thought it would be easier for him to adjust to a new teacher than an entirely new school and I didn’t know we’d play musical teachers for 3 months either. Long story short, here we are back at the starting gate again. He’s totally out of the habit of using his coping techniques at school and sees no real reason to go back to them since nobody there seems to want to work with him. I can’t say I blame the little guy…why should he wear himself out trying when nobody there seems to give a crap.

And just to add to the fun my Big Girl is getting sick. I’m hoping it’s just allergies, but I’m waiting to see how she is in the morning. She’s not running a fever right now and I’m hoping she doesn’t start. There’s a possibility she was exposed to swine flu on Thursday, so we’re just now reaching the end of the incubation period if she did get it. We know the girl she was exposed to has some sort of flu, regular or swine, but apparently it takes several days to get test results back on swine flu??? so we don’t know for sure what kind of flu it was.

I soooo need a break, but since that’s not possible, I guess I’ll vent a little here and then suck it up and keep truckin’…

Filed under the Ex Files!

So, let me start by saying, my blood pressure’s not up, I’m not angry and I’m not stressing. However, I am chronicaling all these little goodies for further reference if needed. And to get everybody else’s “we’re not personally involved” opinions.

This was daddy’s weekend. Little Man is back home and sleeping, but Big Girl is off school tomorrow so Nana invited her to spend an extra night and have a “girls day” tomorrow. So, I’m sitting here watching HGTV and here we go: (Please remember the ex is still living with his mother.)

via text

Ex: I love you.
Me: no response
Ex: Take Big Girl home from mom’s soon.
Me: Why?
Ex: I am sittin here with Big Girl and mom and I don’t like what’s going on.
Me: Like what?
Ex: I have Big Girl safe but mom is bs.
Me: At this point I called Big Girl on her cell and did a stealthy “Whatcha doin?” type thing. Anyway, she sounds totally fine, not upset, watching a movie. No yelling in the background. Big Girl’s totally calm, no weird voice, tells me about her day etc., so I tell her love you and good night. I did not respond to the ex or tell him I’ve called her.
Ex: I have Big Girl safe, but mom is bs.
Ex: Mom is being mom.
Ex: I have Big Girl ok and I love you and Little Man…ok!
Ex: I love you.
Ex: Idk what to say other than Big Girl is ok and i hope you and Little Man r too. Love you..we..love you babe.

Soooo, wonder what’s going on???? If there really is something funky going on, why TF wouldn’t he remove her from the situation and bring her home himself? If there’s something funky going on, Big Girl seems totally unaware of it. What does it accomplish to send those texts? Well, other than to worry me, get me to talk to him, etc.

And next…do I call his mom and ask what’s going on? Do I wait till I see her tomorrow and ask? Do I even mention it? (Knowing full well that she is immediately going to ream him a new one, whether it’s true or not. She’s not the type to keep the conversation to herself even if I ask her to.) Do I try to subtly find out from Big Girl tomorrow if anything was going on? There’s the whole ‘If she’s unaware, I don’t want to drag her into it thing.’ As well as the ‘putting her in the middle thing.’ Not to mention that fine line of parental alienation thing. But, at the same time, I hate to rack it up to the ex’s stupid manipulations and then find out later that there was something to his texts.

Sooo, any opinions???