Dang, I’d forgotten how tall he really was….

hahaha, how’s that for a post name! So, interesting tidbits for the day. After the apology and a little more messaging back and forth, the ex (1st one from a couple decades ago lol) came over last night to check out an engine I’ve got sitting in the shop and stayed for a while to talk. I’d forgotten how tall 6’6 was. It’s like a whole other country hehehe. Good news is, he may know somebody who wants the hunk of junk. I gotta say he really did turn out to be one of the good ones. While he was there he “sang” a good night song to his oldest daughter on the phone. She’s 11 and still wants Daddy to sing her goodnight. He’s a much better daddy (or seems to be anyway) than the one my kiddos are stuck with. *sigh* The stupid stuff we do when we are young. Oh well, live, learn and then stay single!!!!

Tidbit 2, where do some of these spammers come from? Seriously, I logged in this morning to 12 spam messages and reading them is kinda entertaining. Not sure if English is their second language or if they’re just wierd but some of them wrote entire paragraphs that didn’t make any sense and had absolutely NOTHING to do with the content of my blog! Good for a laugh in the AM though!

Tidbit 3, I’m trying to re-organize my life and not be so all or nothing about stuff, so hopefully I’ll actually start writing here on a semi-regular basis again….or not! I may be all out of interesting topics, if I ever had any to begin with lol. But surely as we enter the teen (and getting close to driving) years with the oldest one, I’ll be able to come up with something entertaining to write.

Now, on to work!!!!

Things we learn without realizing it.

So, I’ve been doing a lot of researching and reading on some things for myself and last night I was a little suprised to realize what I had apparently absorbed without realizing it. It was kind of a rough night for the kiddos and we ended up having to have a little “talk” lol. Anyway, as I was having a little one-on-one with my 13 year old, I found myself saying something like this.

“The only person you are guaranteed to have to live with for the rest of your life is yourself. You have to learn to trust yourself to make smart decisions that are right for YOU! You cannot base your decisions on what I, your friends, or anyone else might think or how we would react if we ‘found out’.” Now, I went on to say that until she hit 18, I had the right to countermand her decisions, but that I wanted her to trust herself and have the self-confidence to weigh the options/consequences/benefits from her own viewpoint, not someone elses. Basically that I wanted her to learn to do what was right for her before the consequences were extreme. For example, I wanted to know that if (in the far, far, far distant future lol) the guy she was dating had a few beers and then wanted to get behind the wheel of a car and drive her home, she would be strong enough and confident enough in herself to make the smart decision. NOT to base it on whether he would be upset or think her a “goody two-shoes” for opting for another way home or whether I would be disappointed in/berate her for her choice of guys if she called me, or any other person’s reaction.

As a self-professed control freak, this is a very hard thing for me. As parents we want to protect our kids, keep them from making mistakes, etc. BUT, in doing so, sometimes we’re doing them the greatest harm. It is imperative that we teach our kids to think for themselves, to not rely on others’ opinions, to question everything that they think is worth questioning. We’re not raising sheep, we’re raising kids who will one day be adults and running this country!

I have come to the conclusion that the most important thing we can teach our kids is to think for themselves. I don’t care whether they are questioning our choice of clothes or our religion, LET THEM! Teach them the rules of debate and free thinking. Let them know that they don’t have to agree with everything everyone else (including us as their parents) thinks. If we don’t teach our kids to think for themselves, who will????

Ummmm, confused much?

So, it’s only been a year since I last visited bloggy world.  Nothing like consistancy, huh?  I think this has become the place I say/ask the things I can’t in real life, so maybe its a good thing I haven’t been here.  Means I’m getting more “real”, yes?   hahaha  Anyhoo, on to today’s dilemma…

My first ex husband sent me a Facebook message last week… Haven’t seen or heard from him in over 10 years and I get this “whats going on girl. hope all is well. give me a call if you want” and his phone number.  Now people, this is the guy I hurt, the guy who deserved better, you know, the guy I owe major apology to… W…T….F…..????  No way in Hades can I have much of a discussion with my current friends on this topic cause they don’t know him, didn’t know me back then and honestly would probably want to try to set me up with him cause they seem to think being single is a bad thing….

But I digress…after much freaking out and thought and a couple of “feeler” messages to make sure it really was him and all, I called him.  It wasn’t much more than a catch up on families cause he was in the car with his kids at the time and he said he’d call me back “later”.  Haven’t heard back from him in a couple of days so I assume I won’t be hearing from him, which kinda leaves me more confused than i was to begin with and in a bit of a quandry. 

Minor background.  He remarried, has been married for 10 years or so, has 3 kids and is in the middle of a divorce.  During our messaging, I asked him what made him get in touch after all these years (thinking maybe the divorce was just bringing up old ghosts).  He says no.  Says he ran into an old mutual friend and they were talking about the old days and he thought he’d look me up.  Then says “sorry, i’ll leave you alone for another 20 years hahahaha”  It was after this message that I decided to call him and see what was up.  As I said he was in the car with his kiddos so it was pretty short and generic.

Now, I don’t get men so I have no idea whether guys would just do this “cause” or if there’s some ulterior motive.  Point is, he didn’t ask to “friend” me or anything, just sends me a message saying call if I want.

So, A) why get in touch after all these years? and B) as I said, I owe this guy major apology.  I didn’t feel comfortable getting into it while he’s driving and talking to his kids so we never got to that point.  If he doesn’t get back in touch do I let sleeping hurts lie or do I reach out again with the apology?

Working up the balls…

My ex-in-laws aren’t necessarily bad people, but sometimes I could just strangle them. These are the kind of grandparents who’ll comment on a facebook post “tell Big Girl I love her even though she never texts me…” and when I say “have you sent her something? I don’t think she’s gotten any texts from you recently” replies “No, I was waiting on her to send me something first lol” and then continues to whine that they never get any texts. Umm, hello, if you want to talk to her, start a conversation with her!!!! If you don’t start one, don’t bitch because she doesn’t!!! Instead of the passive agressive comments on my facebook, maybe you should spend the time calling/texting HER directly!

She always wants to know what she should buy them for b-days, Christmas, etc and then buys everything BUT what the kids had on their wish lists. Fine, she’s totally entitled, I have no issue with that. But then she’ll turn around and whine cause she never sees them wearing/playing with/using what she bought them. Look honey, its totally your perogative to give what you wish, but if you ignore their wishlists, you kinda give up your right to complain if it wasn’t their “favorite” gift, yes???

Which brings us to spending time with them…Neither of my kiddos like to spend the night or oodles of time with this particular set of grandparents because there always seems to be strings attached or a constant need for the kids to validate grandma’s feelings/actions. Basically, if she doesn’t feel like she’s the most special thing, she gets all passive/aggressive about how if she had X, Y or Z like the other grandparents, maybe the kids would like to spend time at her house. The reality is, they don’t like to spend time with her because its never about them, its always about her. The kids don’t care about the things, they care about being cared about without strings.

Anyhoo, the kids are going to her house for Thanksgiving Thursday and she wants them to come Wednesday night and stay the night so they can “visit before the busy day.” Neither child wants to go and I just turned her down on an overnight visit last weekend which ticked her off, so I was trying to be subtle and just said Big Girl has church plans Wednesday night so they’d just come over Thursday. So now shes offering to pick them up after church…. Well crap, so much for being nice. Now I’m going to have to just tell her no.

You would think this would be simple, however, she is way to much like her son (or he’s like her….) Anyhoo, they are the type who only want the kids on “their” terms and then get all offended when the world (and the kids lives) don’t stop so that they can spend time “together.” The type who will make snarky, passive/aggressive comments to the kids to try and make them feel guilty about not loving them enough or as much as… This is the woman who got offended by something the ex said on Christmas Eve so about an hour before lunch was to be served at our house the next day she has her husband call and say they aren’t coming, then she avoids us for several weeks, then starts talking about lawyers and “grandparents rights” because we’re keeping the kids from her….Ummmmm, OK???

*Sigh* Ok, now that I’ve vented all that frustration, maybe I have the balls to just tell her no without losing my temper when she gets all passive/aggressive whiny on me….Ooooo, I whined to you, so I could listen to her whine without getting cranky……. hahahahaha

Butt kicking….

Sooooo, thanks to a new friend’s awesome butt-kicking technique, I’ve actually started walking a couple miles a day on a regular basis. Amazingly enough, I feel better. (Snicker, duh, as if we didn’t already know that, but heaven forbid we do anything the easy way! Like, I don’t know, starting this 10 years ago!!!!!) Anyhoo, suddenly, I’m getting caught up at work, finishing projects I’ve been putting off, etc. Then, wouldn’t you know I skipped walking this weekend, Big Girl had another 7th grade girl over ALL FREAKING WEEKEND, we went to that most dreaded of all places (the mall) and basically OD’d on all things “girly” and suddenly I’m piddling on the internet instead of working. FINE, butt kicker, I will be there this evening to walk, just take off the darn steel toed stilletoes already!!!!!!!!

Update…couldn’t resist this story

So, its been like…FOREVER! since I posted on here, but I couldn’t resist this update. If you’ve read much on here, you know Little Man has had some behavior issues and has been seeing a counselor for over a year now. He started Kindergarten this fall and after two trips to the principal’s office in two weeks, we had a meeting with his teachers and started some behavior modifications (mainly keeping him on the outskirts of large groups so he wasn’t over-stimulated, front of the line at lunch, giving him errands to run when he was done with his assignment, etc.) and they worked pretty good, but if he didn’t get to go outside for recess due to weather…watch out folks, here he comes again! So, after much discussion, filling out lots of questionaires, etc. he was officially diagnosed ADHD and meds were recommended.

First off, let me say, I’m not a big fan of meds, especially stimulants (which all ADHD meds are) but both his doctors felt that he would greatly benefit and combined with the behavior modifications might allow him to have a much happier school experience. So, we opted to try the meds and see what happened. And this is where the fun begins….

A couple hours after the first dose he had some temper issues, almost a manic type reaction, but it faded within about 20 minutes and OMG talk about a different child! He is totally NOT a zombie. His personality is definitely intact, as is his extremely active little body and brain, however, HE’S ABLE TO CONTROL IT!!!!!

We’ve been on meds for only a few days now but the changes are obvious to those that know him. First off, the boy talks even more now than he did before, BUT his talking is detailed, on-topic, descriptive conversations, not the disjointed, almost rambling talking from before the meds. During church Sunday he talked way more during the sermon than normal, but he WHISPERED! the entire time! Typically the boy is incapable of controlling himself enough to remember to whisper or to control the hyper-activity long enough to care about whispering. He is noticing details about his world that he’s never been able to focus on in the past long enough to notice. It’s amazing to me the difference in him in just a few days.

Now, he’s still having a little bit of a temper issue after the first (and larger) morning dose, but its fading and the Dr. says to give him til the end of the week to see if it goes away completely after his body adjusts. If not, we’ll reduce the morning dose. However, other than that 20-minute time frame, his temper has improved greatly. I think partially due to the fact that he can concentrate and control it, but also because he’s not so frustrated anymore. I mean, given the conversations I’ve had with him since the meds started, I can only imagine how frustrating its been to not be able to focus long enough to talk coherently and to be so over-stimulated that things like knick-knacks that grandma’s had for years didn’t even register in his brain.

Anyhoo, the first night he didn’t go to sleep until 11:00 and I thought we were in serious trouble if he couldn’t sleep, but now he’s back to sleeping at around 8:30, YAY! We are concerned about and keeping track of his growth because he’s small to begin with (25the – 50th percentile in weight, 10th – 25th percentile in height) and that is a big concern because the meds can suppress the appetite enough to stunt growth if its not monitored carefully.

I guess I’m cautiously optimistic. I still don’t like the idea of medicating him long term, I know that he probably won’t “settle” into his long-term behavior until he’s been on the meds for another week or so and I still reserve the right to change my opinion after more observation, but so far, I’m happy with the results and glad we made the choice we did. I think the tipping point for me was when the doctor posed this question. “If he were diabetic and diet and excercise weren’t controlling the disease, would you refuse to give him insulin because you didn’t want him medicated?” I’m still concerned about long-term side effects and hope that as he matures he’ll be able to learn to deal with the disorder without meds, but, for now, I’m happy to see him so happy!

Oh, and PS, his sister likes him better this way too. Maybe the sibling rivalry will mellow out a bit. She’s been so patient through all this, but lets face it, she’s a few short months from teenager-dom, she’s got her own hormone problems to sort out!!

Seriously need to vent…Feel free to ignore…

So, the dumbass, fuckhead ex managed to get some poor schmuck of a woman to lay out $1000 and a reference with her boss to get him a job and an apartment.  He promptly told his mom (who he’s been living with for the last 3 years) to take a hike and alienated what was left of his family.  Then, low and behold, the new employer found out about some…we’ll call it less than stellar stewardship…at another employer and said “nope, can’t take the chance”  He threw a temper tantrum involving a knife of some sort on his front lawn and got kicked out of his apartment and Mama ain’t lettin’ him move back in.  (REALLY???  BUT WHY???  I mean he’s such a LOVING son…)  Long story short he let me know he wouldn’t be able “see the kids on his weekends cause he’s homeless.”  So, I took him at his word and he hasn’t seen the kids in a month.  He didn’t contact them on his weekends, his birthday or fathers day.  When I asked my daughter if she wanted to call him on fathers day, she decided that would be pointless cause obviously his phone wasn’t working or he’d have texted or called her sometime in the last month.  (I didn’t have the heart to tell her his phone was working just fine, cause he’d texted ME that night, but not his KIDS.  – Hello, FATHER’s day, not EX’s day?!?!?)  Anyhoo, now he’s all “boo hoo, I don’t know what my kids are doing and its all everybody else’s fault cause CJ won’t Friend me on facebook so I can see what they’re all doing”  (apparently he gets online at the library now)…

My personal opinion is…he’s trying to make us feel sorry for him.  If he truly gave a damn about his kids, he’d have stayed in touch when he had a phone and made some sort of attempt to see them (meet at the park, etc.) since then.  Oh, not to mention…temper tantrums involving knifes are NOT a good way to earn my trust when it comes to spending time with his kids…Just sayin’….

Sooooo, Bitchy much?????

Yeah, moving on.  Now he’s trying to get his sister to convince me to Friend him on Facebook.  I’m half tempted to write him the following in response to his email to his sister:

“You told me to ask the kids if they wanted anything to “remember you by” Yeah, let me just mention to the kids that their dad isn’t planning to see them anymore, but, hey, if you want his TV, let me know! Gag me. I asked Big Girl on Father’s day if she wanted to call you and her answer was “No, if his phone was working, he’d have gotten in touch with me. I haven’t heard from him since May.” I didn’t have the heart to tell her your phone was working just fine at that time. You texted me later that night, but didn’t bother to contact your kids. I’ve gotten a dozen or more texts from you since the last time you texted Big Girl and the only time you mentioned contacting her was when you were threatening to ask her why I wouldn’t talk to you. You haven’t asked how or what they’re doing, if you could see them sometime, etc. You are the parent, they are the kids, you are the responsible party and yet, somehow, its always someone elses fault that you don’t know anything about your kids.”

However, I’m afraid that if I say it, he’ll start calling them and just upset them all over again. My personal opinion is that he’s just using them to get at the rest of us. If he really cared about THEM, he’d have found a way to stay in touch. Especially back when his phone was working. I know its hard on the kids, but I’d rather him just disappear now, then to go back and forth – ignoring them when he’s got something better to do and then contacting them when he needs something from us… A clean break seems better to me than a tug of war with their emotions.

Know what I mean? What do you think?

Burn Out

Is there a time limit to how long you can work the same (well paying, great benefits) but competely dead-end, low man on the totem pole job before you just throw up your hands and say “I quit???” It’s a good job, pays good, GREAT benefits, but I’m tired of being the work horse and I have no chance of advancement. I’ve been here 13 years and I’m just so tired of it all. I need a change, a new challenge, a freakin’ break!!!! And yet, with the job market the way it is, I feel kinda guilty. Here I am whining about my job when others don’t have one. Cures for complete burn-out anyone????

My daughter’s mystified

By my playlist. She can’t seem to understand how A White Demon Love Song, The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald, Mickey, Supermassive Blackhole, Breathe Me and Everything I Do can combine to create the foundations of an AWESOME playlist. Poor kid…obviously I need to expand her horizons…..

Facebook is da bomb

Soooooo, I took one of those Facebook quizzes on “What’s your personality disorder?” and here’s my problem…..

What’s Your Mental Disorder?
Result: Personality Disorder
Question – Do you even know who you are? Answer – No you do not. There are a wide range of personality disorders ranging from thinking that you are someone you’re not to having a vast amount of personalities. There is no clear way to pinpoint your problems other than just saying you are not who you think you are. Solution – Take some time to yourself and find out who you are. Everyone will thank you for it.

Hahahahaha…who needs psychologists when a facebook quiz will answer all your problems for free in 60 seconds or less???? The scary part is….how accurately that little 10-question quiz pinpointed me…